Moving Forward

We are on track for a FET at the end of March. I am glad to have a goal but the medicine makes me a little crazy. I just keep having feelings of frustration about everything. I think I need to go lay on the beach somewhere until the end of March! Sometimes I feel like I just can't handle it anymore.

Pain!

I contacted the Dr. about a FET in March. We are now moving toward that. However, I also found out that I have to do another hysteroscopy. I think those are the worse form of torture! I just think I don't know if I can do that again. Then I think well I want to maximize my chances. Then I think well God is in control anyway. UGH! I am so frustrated right now because to date I have done two of them, and both cycles failed. Part of me thinks is it worth putting myself through that again? I don't know what to do! It seems like I have been in a perputual state of "I don't know what to do" since I started this whole process. I wish I had a map or an instruction manuel here.

Thankful???

One time I read this blog, and the person was talking about how she is thankful for her infertility. This was taken from Paul when he said no matter what your situation is, you need to be content. (That was my paraphrase) Anyway, when I read that, I thought I don't think that this is something that I am actually capable of being thankful for. It is hard, and it is sad.

Then a couple of Sundays ago our pastor was talking about how when Anne Frank and her sister went to a Nazi concentration camp for hiding Jews, her sister said that she was thankful for the fleas in the place where they slept. Only later did she find out that the reason that they were able to have secret Bible studies with a Bible that was smuggled in was because the guards would not go in that paticular building because of the fleas. It is amazing how God works sometimes.

So, I have come to the conclusion that I am thankful for my infertility. However, I took it one step further, and thought about the reasons why.

1. I serve an AWESOME God. His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.
My relationship with Him would not be as strong as it is if I did not go through what I went
through.
2. I will never ever take my son for granted and what a blessing it is to have such a precious
boy.
3. My husband is a wonderful man, and I would never have known just how wonderful he is if I
had not gone through this.
4. Just because there is one thing in my life that makes me sad, I still have so much to be
thankful for.
5. I know who my true friends are and who will be there for me no matter what.

6. My mom is an unbelievable person.

7. I am now a much stronger and grounded person because of the trials, and I know that I don't
have to give birth to a child to be a mother to that child.

I could not have said this 1 year ago or even six months ago but yes I am thankful for the infertility.